IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
There is a saying that "prevention is better than cure". It is better to take care about the prevention of health problems and sickness rather than curing and discovering a medicine. It is better if the authorities would use their funds in order to avoid causes of diseases. I agree with
this
 perception and I will explain my reasons in the following passage. On one hand, medical sciences has been drastically improved in its way of inventing new medicines. As medical facilities and treatments developed in recent years, human life expectancy has
also
 increased. At the same time, the government must have its concentration regarding the causes due to which many new infections are being spread in society. It would be better for society if the reasons for the disease are being prevented.
For example
, The authorities can keep our
country
 clean and reduce the pollutions caused by different factors.
On the other hand
, the government has always been spending a lot of funds in inventing the related medicine to a particular infection. In some cases, one
country
 needs to take the help of the other countries in order to get the medicines. Indirectly,
this
 lower's the
country
's pride of the nation as it has raised its hands for not able to find the medicine by their own.
Accordingly
,
this
 can be avoided if the
country
 takes some steps before the origin of a problem. After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can
finally
 draw a conclusion that always preventing the causes of disease is better than striving to invent a remedy. I agree that the authorities must use their funds to keep their
country
 hydrated.
Submitted by shyamgsmb on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: