IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

People argue that raising children in today’s society is more difficult than in the past. Others believe that it is much easier due to all the innovations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #today’s #society #innovations
Whereas some argue that raising children in our modern society is harder than in old times, others claim that it is much simpler because of new inventions. In my opinion, while in the past children were not so exposed to strangers as today, raising a
child
 nowadays is easier due to innovations in
health
care
.
Firstly
, innovations in
health
care
 have helped people to have proper medical
care
 for their children. It is cheaper than ever to offer
health
care
 for a
child
 on his or her early stage of life.
For example
, vaccination costs dropped consistently due to recent innovations on medical methods and equipments.
Thus
,
child
 mortality has declined significantly over the past decades, especially for developing countries.
On the other hand
, new technologies have made easier for children to
access
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 which increased the
risk
 of exposing them to strangers. Children are easily fooled by strangers and parents are not always monitoring their
access
 to
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 as they should.
For instance
, a stranger can convince a
child
 to meet him and do to the
child
 some harm.
Consequently
, restricting children
access
 to
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 can mitigate
this
risk
 but will not solve the problem completely. In conclusion, while improvements in
health
Suggestion
the health care system
care
 system have made the task of raising a
child
 easier,
internet
access
 presents a
risk
 at the moment children can get in contact with strangers.
Therefore
, in my opinion the innovations in
health
care
 systems outweigh the
risk
 of exposing the children on
internet
Suggestion
the internet
.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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