IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up children rather than only parents. What is your opinion?

#people #uncles #aunts #grandparents #children #parents
It is thought by a few individuals that children grow up better in their
life
Suggestion
lives
, if he or she spend
life
 in joint families compared to the individual one. I profoundly agree with the former part of a statement, as up brining in joint family is more effective, because the major reason behind
this
, they are a bunch of family members to teach adolescent from their experiences children will learn the traditions and other important aspects of
life
.
Firstly
, the joint family has a vast role to build children and make the children strong for any field of
life
. As grandparents has their own experiences to share and protect the children in many difficult ways, while telling their story of parents.
On the other hand
 uncle and aunts help children to learn a new way of making think easier and stand in the front row in
this
 competitive world. The other clear thought to live with joint family, children has a broad mindset for taking challenges,
for example
, if anyone in the family retires from the Army, so he has many stories to share of fearless, brave and adventurous and these real stories would make strong and bold to the child.
On the contrary
, today’s lifestyle, whereas, in nuclear family has no proper time to spend with youth and as both the husband and wife are working and most of the couples are working hand and they are keeping the children in the day care or alone in the house and children lacking for parental guidance and love too. To conclude
this
, we should live together with complete family as it is utmost for children, while grandparents
also
 need their son and daughter in-law to take care of them, so at the
last
 we come to
this
 thought the ones should live in joint family if it is possible.
Submitted by tilak_9213 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: