IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do they sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society?

#people #countries #effect #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many countries, people have started sleeping less than they used to. In my opinion, I believe that getting minimum sleep is owing to hectic
work
Use synonyms
 schedules for some and
entertainment
Use synonyms
 for others.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the prominent reason that many people get less sleep nowadays than they used to get previously is due to their
work
Use synonyms
 schedule.
In other words
Linking Words
, to keep up with the deadlines of projects at
work
Use synonyms
, many people get
work
Use synonyms
 home to complete their projects on time,
thus
Linking Words
 working late at
night
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has now become a very common scenario for many working-class people to use extra time, which they need at
work
Use synonyms
 from their
night
Use synonyms
 hours and
hence
Linking Words
 sleeping for a few hours. Another factor that adds to
this
Linking Words
 sleep deprivation in a lot of countries is
entertainment
Use synonyms
. As people are busy with their
work
Use synonyms
 whilst the day, they need some sort of relaxation from the stress in their daily life, so many
entertainment
Use synonyms
 sources are available,
such
Linking Words
 as
night
Use synonyms
 clubs, casinos, cinemas and many more.
As a result
Linking Words
 of these
night
Use synonyms
 clubs and casinos, many people utilize their
night
Use synonyms
 hours dancing and gambling and
thus
Linking Words
 using their time in
entertainment
Use synonyms
 at
night
Use synonyms
 rather than sleep. Lack of sleep has a detrimental effect on individuals as well as society. The individuals with insomnia are always at many health risks, and some of the immediate effects being laziness, lethargy, disinterest, and lack of concentration which is harmful to them as well as society.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person with sleep problems can be dangerous while driving, as he cannot concentrate on the signals as well as the intersection and
thus
Linking Words
, being a threat to his life as well as others on the road. In conclusion, sleeping for fewer hours can be very dangerous for the health of the individual and can bring catastrophic effects on society as the lack of concentration and awareness of their surroundings so, can be a problem for others too.
Submitted by najeeb.quadeer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: