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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Certain college
students
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 desire to acquire knowledge in other disciplines alongside their primary fields of study. Some believe that prioritizing their time and focusing on learning for credentials is vital. In my opinion, it is preferable for
students
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 to acquire more qualifications for their studies rather than simply studying more
subjects
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.
Consequently
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, I will discuss both ideas and elaborate on my reasons. On the one hand, some
students
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 desire to learn more
subjects
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, and their reason is that they can find out which
subject
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 they like more than others. Some undergraduates do not have much knowledge about their field, so they choose more
subjects
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 to know about them.
Although
Linking Words
 they learn with less quality.
For example
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, when I was studying undergrad, many of my friends did not like their fields;
subsequently
Linking Words
, they did not study as much as they needed.
However
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, if they are allowed by the
university
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 to learn other
subjects
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 to find out their desired
subjects
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, it should help
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in their study.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
students
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 believe that they should put all their effort into learning their
subject
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, and they give reasons that they choose one
subject
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 and they must learn it with high quality. If they do not like their
subject
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, they must leave
university
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 and find their goals before they come back to
university
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. If one person wants to go to
university
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, he ought to choose their desired field. It is not true that we come to college and
then
Linking Words
 we find out what we should do. In conclusion, in my opinion, we should learn our field with high quality and learn
deep
Change the word
deeply
show examples
 in it—not learn a lot of courses but not so much deep.

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supported main points
The essay needs some improvement in supporting the main points with more specific examples and detailed arguments. This will enhance the depth of your discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear, but try to elaborate on them more comprehensively by including different perspectives and addressing possible counterarguments.
complete response
When discussing your opinion, try to provide a more detailed explanation of why you hold that viewpoint. This will strengthen the task achievement.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines both viewpoints and states your own opinion clearly.
logical structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, which makes it easy to follow your argumentation.
complete response
The essay covers both views on the topic, which helps fulfill the task achievement criteria.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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