IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #treatment #medicine #government
It is argued that whether the measures taken by government to preclude
health
 problems are more significant than cures and medicals. I completely disagree the statement given above, due to think that Some diseases
such
 as genetics illnesses or epidemics can not be prevented. On the one hand, Taking some precautions is essential to overcome
health
 problems. These are can be to open free gyms in order to prevent different disease stemming from obesity, or to provide free
health
 services so as to protect people from diseases
arised
come into existence; take on form or shape
arose
arises
arise
 from the usage of cigarettes and alcohol. In
this
 way, disorders caused by overweight,
suchsuch
Suggestion
such such
 as hypertension and diabetes or disorders caused by addictions
such
 as
koah
fossil fuel consisting of carbonized vegetable matter deposited in the Carboniferous period
coal
 and liver failure can be prevented. For instant
,
Accept space
,
 after the institution called Yeşilay which is fighting with addictions had been established in Turkey
,
Accept space
,
 It was observed that the proportion of people using tobacco and alcohols has decreased 50%.
This
 example explains how much is important to take measures.
On the other hand
,
Accept space
,
Although
 taking precaution is significant
,
Accept space
,
 cures and medicines play a pioneer role to handle with
health
 issues
.
Accept space
.
 Because brain diseases
such
 as autism or epilepsy an not be prevented by taking measures as they are genetically.
Furthermore
, since a virus and bacterias still exist in our lives
,
Accept space
,
 obstructing to occur a pandemic is not possible yet.
Therefore
 ınstead of taking measures government must prioritise cures or medicals so as to ensure a healthy society.
For example
,
Accept space
,
despite the measures to stop the spread of
coronavirus
 epidemic took place
last
 year, the Government could not save people from die
.
Accept space
.
However
, when scientists discovered the vaccine
,
Accept space
,
people survived. In conclusion, States must be careful about they are spending government fundings to cures and medicines more than taking precautions
.
Accept space
.
 Because these are more effective to keep people healthy.
Submitted by Mustafa Mete on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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