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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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There is no doubt that life expectancy has increased remarkably in these days. Where is my understanding of
this
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 alteration, I am against the idea that people should raise the retirement
age
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 considerably due to its pernicious effects as it could lead to unemployment and dissatisfaction in most elder’s life. I real state my opinion on the following points.
To begin
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 with, a lot of companies are driven by profits and elders are regarded as a cost-effective source of labour. If elders could work for longer, there would be a shortage of jobs for youngsters to apply. Compared to younger generations, the elders seem more experienced and productive.
Besides
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, some of them just ask for appropriate salaries, which are often lower than the amount demanded by the younger. For all these reasons, the elderly stands out to be much more superior and meet much more requirements.
As a result
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, young people lose chances of getting a job. Take the example of Japan. There is always a higher potion for the elders to be employed. Meanwhile, to work and make earnings, Japanese young adults have to encounter many hardships. On top of that, it is obvious that the older we get, the more time we would sooner spend for ourselves. Expanding the range of retirement
age
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 could we be satisfactory for the elderly.When people come of
age
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, they tend to allocate time doing hobbies
,
Accept space
,
sharing moments with family members, rather than earning, which make them under greater pressure and feel irritated. To illustrate, there was a survey conducted by the Vietnamese Maritime University. It showed that 80 percent people at the
age
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 of from 50 to 60 get stressed out easily at work and need time to relax, even want to retire as soon as possible. On the whole, we shouldn’t encourage the idea of raising the retirement
age
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 because there is no point in it but negative impacts. It could result in higher rate of unemployment and widespread dissatisfaction among elders. I hope elders could take a rest and doing everything they like
instead
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.
Submitted by Beeboo Slimey on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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