IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Spending public money to promote healthy lifestyle that leads to improve the quality of life is better than spending it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#money #lifestyle #quality #life #treatment #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph demonstrates the percentage of males and females and four different
age
 groups of people watched the
reality
 TV programs and
game
 shows in Australia. It is explicitly observed that 70% of female watch the
reality
 shows, which is almost double as many as men, who choose to watch the same genre of TV programs.
Moreover
,
this
 genre of shows is popular among all the
age
 group people. The proportion of people watching
reality
 shows increases steadily from ages 16-45 with the lowest percentage of viewers, at just over half of the
age
 group 16-24 and the highest percentage, at approximately 68% of over 45.
On the other hand
, the pattern is different from
game
 shows. Almost same proportion of males and females watch the
game
 shows, which is 60%. The amount of games, programs watch by 24-44 years old is significantly lower than the number of watched 16-24
age
 group and those over 45. Just over a half
percentagepercentage
 of people watches
game
 shows, but,
this
 ratio is decreasing at almost 30% between 25-34
age
 groups. 70% of over 45
age
 people watch
such
 shows, it is the highest proportion of people watches
game
 shows and
it's
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 share of 35-44 year old is dramatically demanded even lower at 41%. Overall, it is observed that women watch genres of show compared to the men. Most of the people prefer to watch the
reality
 shows rather than the
game
 shows. People, who watch the television or in 45 years or above it.
Submitted by riyu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: