IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In most countries, prison is the most common solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #prison #people #crime #education #criminals
The reasons for increasing
crime
 rate is a debatable topic nowadays. Obviously, punishment is common for committing a
crime
 worldwide. Some individuals believe better
education
 can help to reduce the
crime
 but personally, I can not agree on
this
 aspect due to various reasons.
This
 essay will emphasize on few points why proper
education
 can not decrease the criminal mentality. Lack of proper
education
 brings down the criminal minds is not a good concept, because most of the times educated individuals commit the
crime
.
For example
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
recent research on a pre-secondary school in a small city in Japan show, most of the thieves, who steal stationaries, belongs to school teachers who are supposed to educate others.
Moreover
, there are several examples, where it has been seen that talented people are actually doing the
crime
instead
 of non-educated people. Another reason is
m
Add an article
the
show examples
entality. Criminals are doing the
crime
 for passion, they seek joy when they commit a
crime
.
Moreover
, research shows, illegal activities are driven by the
uman
Correct your spelling
human
 mind and it is not driven either by poverty or by lack of
education
.
For instance
, an article in
n
Add an article
the
show examples
ewspaper describes, doctors' in the UK find common human behaviour among the criminals who commit different crimes.
This
 study clearly explains that due to
ill thought
Add a hyphen
ill-thought
show examples
 process people become criminals. To conclusion, in my opinion, I completely disagree with the view which indicates proper academic recognition can bring down the
crime
 among us because it completely depends on human nature which is attached with the human soul. A better human being would not be just justified with
a
Add an article
the
show examples
cademic grade but
also
 justified by his nature along with good mental stability
Submitted by Subhrajyoti on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: