The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Is it true that electronic

devices

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are the major source of entertainment nowadays? As a matter of fact, many a man reckons that entertaining through pocket

devices

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such

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as mobile phones adversely affects our society. I partially agree with

this

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notion as these

devices

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have certain benefits which cannot be ignored. Let's discuss

this

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in the following paragraphs.

To begin

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with, pocket-carrying

devices

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are well renowned for stress-busters in

this

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busy era. Simply put,

due to

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the technical debt and workload on minds folks are not able to get instant mental refreshments apart from their mobile

devices

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Also

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, it is a scientifically proven fact that by playing video games people can relieve their depression. To exemplify, a painstaking survey was recently carried out by WHO in 2019 which

further

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revealed that Indians enjoy their lockdown situation with maximum happy index by playing Ludo King online and offline.

Therefore

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such

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entertainment

devices

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are the best way to get rid of psychological issues even in the worst situations.

On the other hand

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, the excess of anything is not known as having bad impacts for no reason.

Similarly

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, spending more and more time with our handheld

devices

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will continuously kill our valuable time. It is not only harmful for students but

also

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for the rest of society. Primarily, the large amount of usage diverts more users toward social media which has a lot of drawbacks like cyber crime activities.

For instance

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, the article "Cyber Trap" in the New York Times published by editor-in-chief Mr. Deniel Smith in 2022,

further

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unfolded that the maximum span on a mobile phone increases the risk of internet human trafficking.

As a result

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such

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incidents create disharmony in the society.

To conclude

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, without any doubt, it can be asserted that portable gadgets have downsides regarding offensive searches on the internet but

this

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problem can be resolved with the proper guidance,

Otherwise

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, these digital

devices

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are a boon for mankind because of their plethora of benefits. Our world will be a better place to live if it is used positively.

knavdeep3011Wed Dec 06 2023

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task achievement

Your essay shows an overall good understanding of the topic but seems to lack a strong, clear thesis statement that presents your viewpoint succinctly. It is essential to express your opinion explicitly and make sure it's perceptible throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, but the introduction could be more specific in stating your position. The conclusion sums up the argument but fails to strongly reinforce your thesis. Remember to make your stance clear from the outset and reiterate it in the conclusion for maximum impact.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is acceptable, but there are areas where it can be improved to enhance the flow of information. Transitions between paragraphs should be seamless, and the connection between main ideas can be made stronger to guide the reader through your argument with ease.

task achievement

You provided some relevant examples; however, they at times appear to be too general or not entirely convincing. To improve, include more robust, specific, and detailed examples that directly support your points. This can greatly strengthen your argument and effectively convey your perspective on the issue.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

341 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

detrimental
adverse
excessive
physical and mental health issues
dependency
hinder
social skills development
academic performance
productivity
real-life experiences
social interactions
addiction
gambling
harmful behaviors

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The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some students choose to take a gap year after graduating high school to work and/or travel. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the past, people used to go to museums to learn facts about culture and history. Nowadays people can find all this freely on the Internet so the museums are no longer important. To what extent do you agree or disagree