The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Is it true that electronic
devices
are the major source of entertainment nowadays? As a matter of fact, many a man reckons that entertaining through pocket devices
such
as mobile phones adversely affects our society. I partially agree with this
notion as these devices
have certain benefits which cannot be ignored. Let's discuss this
in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, pocket-carrying devices
are well renowned for stress-busters in this
busy era. Simply put, due to
the technical debt and workload on minds folks are not able to get instant mental refreshments apart from their mobile devices
. Also
, it is a scientifically proven fact that by playing video games people can relieve their depression. To exemplify, a painstaking survey was recently carried out by WHO in 2019 which further
revealed that Indians enjoy their lockdown situation with maximum happy index by playing Ludo King online and offline. Therefore
, such
entertainment devices
are the best way to get rid of psychological issues even in the worst situations.
On the other hand
, the excess of anything is not known as having bad impacts for no reason. Similarly
, spending more and more time with our handheld devices
will continuously kill our valuable time. It is not only harmful for students but also
for the rest of society. Primarily, the large amount of usage diverts more users toward social media which has a lot of drawbacks like cyber crime activities. For instance
, the article "Cyber Trap" in the New York Times published by editor-in-chief Mr. Deniel Smith in 2022, further
unfolded that the maximum span on a mobile phone increases the risk of internet human trafficking. As a result
, such
incidents create disharmony in the society.
To conclude
, without any doubt, it can be asserted that portable gadgets have downsides regarding offensive searches on the internet but this
problem can be resolved with the proper guidance, Otherwise
, these digital devices
are a boon for mankind because of their plethora of benefits. Our world will be a better place to live if it is used positively.Submitted by knavdeep3011 on
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task achievement
Your essay shows an overall good understanding of the topic but seems to lack a strong, clear thesis statement that presents your viewpoint succinctly. It is essential to express your opinion explicitly and make sure it's perceptible throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but the introduction could be more specific in stating your position. The conclusion sums up the argument but fails to strongly reinforce your thesis. Remember to make your stance clear from the outset and reiterate it in the conclusion for maximum impact.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is acceptable, but there are areas where it can be improved to enhance the flow of information. Transitions between paragraphs should be seamless, and the connection between main ideas can be made stronger to guide the reader through your argument with ease.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples; however, they at times appear to be too general or not entirely convincing. To improve, include more robust, specific, and detailed examples that directly support your points. This can greatly strengthen your argument and effectively convey your perspective on the issue.