IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

'There should be no legal age for drinking.' Discuss this statement giving reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#age #support
Technology has developed a lot in recent times. More
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
games
 were introduced to online platforms, due to boredom
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 were attracted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
PC
games
 mostly for violent
games
.
However
, I believe that action
games
 are changing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
's mindset and it affects their brain. Nowadays,
children
 spend their free time, playing
computer
games
 and using mobiles phones. These online
games
 were attracting
children
 in different ways while they sitting more time in front of
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
,
child
 mindset was totally getting disturbed. In recent times, more
children
 are facing problems like Eyesight and Headache issues due to spending more time in front of the PC.
For instance
, recently I saw on the television that a
child
 killed his father because while he was playing a game his father took his phone so in that
aggression
Add a comma
,aggression
show examples
 he killed his father with a pen.
However
, these kinds of incidents were happening daily.
Children
 are spoiling their wonderful career
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their own hands, playing
computer
games
. I suggest to
parentsthat
Correct your spelling
parents that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
child
 is feeling bored
then
 join
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in any extracurricular activities. In the meantime, participating in outdoor activities like sports will give relaxation and give fitness to the body.
Also
, it increases their IQ level while it helps a
child
 to get good scores in his studies. To conclude, for parents I am suggesting that if your
child
 feels bored means join him in extracurricular activities.
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
show examples
 they get attracted to
Computer
games
 later it affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brain development. In my opinion,
children
 are habituated to playing
computer
games
 because of feeling lonely
Submitted by sivahunk32 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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