IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#schools #phones #development #answers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The use of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 amongst students has immensely increased. Though it is always better to be socially and digitally connected,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
school
Use synonyms
 premises,
phones
Use synonyms
 can prove to be a source of negative
development
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we are going to discuss how
restriction
Add an article
the restriction
show examples
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 during
school
Use synonyms
 hours is a positive
development
Use synonyms
. Restricting
phones
Use synonyms
 in the classroom itself can improve learning. The buzzing or ringing of the
phone
Use synonyms
 can be a distraction, which hinders the learning process. Children need to focus on their studies and give their undivided attention to teachers.
For instance
Linking Words
, a complex topic is being taught by the teacher and all of a sudden someone's
phone
Use synonyms
 rings disturbing the entire class. The constant noise of the
phone
Use synonyms
 can result in breaking the momentum of the class. Ban on mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 helps maintain a learning environment in the class, making it a positive
development
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
School
Add an article
The school
show examples
 environment should always be healthy for students to nurture physically and mentally. By not allowing
phones
Use synonyms
 in the
school
Use synonyms
, Children are inclined to lean towards other activities when outside the classroom. It is in the best interest of people to engage socially or involve in physical activities.
For example
Linking Words
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research shows that when
Use synonyms
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
 is allowed to children, they tend to play games on their
phones
Use synonyms
 during the free time. Less physical activity and social interaction can endanger the psychological health and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well being of the students. In conclusion, when in
school
Use synonyms
 it is vital for the learners to have complete focus in building themselves up educationally, which won't be possible with the presence of
Use synonyms
phone
Add an article
a phone
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is safe to say that making the
school
Use synonyms
 a no mobile zone is indeed a positive
development
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mahrukh_javed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: