IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today due to advanced medicine people are living longer. Because of this older people are projected to outnumber younger people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#medicine #people #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the advancement of medical
care
, the public now live longer and there are many advantages brought by the improvement in medical
care
 and increased
life
 expectancy and
thus
, prediction states that elderly society can out shadow the younger population. In my opinion, it has more pros than cons and will be discussed in the following essay. To commence with, longevity has always been considered as kind and treasure whereas death is always considered frightening and most folks want to live a longer
life
. And wisdom is usually linked with the elderly. Living longer means one can stay with his or her family longer and live happy later
life
. Most
people
 spend their young
life
 doing work and missed enjoying pleasant twilight years of
life
. So, it is common sense that after a certain age
people
 deserve happy and peaceful
life
 with their loved ones.
In addition
, since old
people
 need to be taken
care
 of, more nursing homes need to be built.
This
 offers more jobs so that unemployment can be reduced and social stability can be maintained. Though that
people
 living longer is good news, the fact that should not be neglected is that it has a huge burden on the family. Sometimes, great pressure to support an old parent may lead to a crack in the relationship between parent and child. There are reports of the old public who cannot afford to live in nursing homes and have a child to rely on.
Therefore
, it is the responsibility of the government to take
care
 of older folks and due to
this
 fact per capita expenditure is relatively high among the elder age group.
In addition
 to
this
, long-living expectancy may lead to a lower3 fertility rate
Therefore
, there would be a dramatic decrease in birth rates and
thus
, a world with a fewer young population will become less vigorous. To conclude, it is obvious that longevity put burdens, the problems caused can be tackled with joint efforts made by society whereas the benefits that community and the world can get from longevity is undeniable.
Submitted by kiran.randhawa90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: