IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people buy new models of phones, computers and other technology immidately while others prefer to buy after a while they launch. disuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some individuals tend to purchase cutting-edge
goods
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such
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 as mobile and computers briskly when they are released for customers in the market,
whereas
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 others prefer to buy them after a
while
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. In my opinion, buying modern
goods
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 quickly is not an effective option and
people
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 should be patient. Both perspectives require careful evaluation which will be discussed here. The opponents of buying after a duration point out that the latest
products
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 provide the best quality and facilities for customers. In fact, they purchase the new devices to benefit from the latest version of options
such
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 as high-resolution cameras or expanded screens.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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 are engaged in rivalry in their communities.
Thus
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, the public
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 to buy the product as soon as they are unveiled in the market. As a
last
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 point,
this
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 tendency refers to the generation of a person.
For instance
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, a teenager is fond of technological advancemnets، and relies on new electrical
products
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.
On the other hand
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, the supporters of
this
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 notion say the newest, and
products
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 are not budget-friendly today.
That is
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, some
people
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 who are badly off can not afford the prices of new
products
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 situation whether buying quickly or not depends on their age group.
For example
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, elderly
people
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 usually are not novelty seekers, and they do not pay attention to modern
goods
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.
Lastly
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, some part of
people
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 were nurtured as a cautious person who wants to make sure about the efficiency of a product.
Therefore
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, they wait until the new
goods
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 are used widely by other members of society. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 desire to buy advanced electronic devices very soon, I believe that it may not be in favour of them. If individuals allow other
people
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 to try new high-tech
products
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 throughout the frame time they will make precise decisions to purchase in future.

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task response
Your essay effectively covers both sides of the argument, but it could benefit from more specific examples to better illustrate your points.
task response
Some sentences and word choices could be more precise to enhance clarity. For example, avoid using the word 'public' when referring to a group of people in the context of buying technology; 'consumers' or 'individuals' would be more appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay generally flows well, try varying sentence structures to improve readability. This can aid in maintaining the reader's interest throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, as these can detract from the overall quality of your essay. For example, 'technological advancemnets' should be 'technological advancements'.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines both viewpoints and presents your own opinion succinctly.
logical structure
You have a well-defined structure with coherent paragraphs dedicated to each perspective.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarises your argument and reinforces your viewpoint.
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