IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?

#people #attention #resources #protection #animals #birds
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Due to
Linking Words
 deforestation, there has been an immense decrease in the number of species of wild creatures and birds. Many people have their opinion that wild
animals
Use synonyms
 are given a lot of attention,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, some believe we need to protect them and help them with various new resources. In my opinion, I disagree with
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 fact and believe we should give much more attention and better solutions should be provided for their survival. With time, there are multiple living species that are going extinct. For development reasons, we have cut down the forests and killed many
animals
Use synonyms
. Avoiding the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 we are harming a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
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wildlife
Use synonyms
 and ruining their homes. Henceforth, we need to save them and
this
Linking Words
 can only be achieved by providing
those beast
Change the determiner
that beast
those beasts
show examples
 with better resources and protection.
For instance
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 deforestation and no proper protection provided to tigers in ,
Correct article usage
the Sundarbans
show examples
Sundarbans
Add a comma
Sundarbans,
show examples
 there are only 100 tigers left now. There can be multiple ways we can protect
wildlife
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government can make strict laws for development which will result in not cutting down the forests and making homes for humans.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people can partner with multiple organizations
such
Linking Words
 as PETA.
This
Linking Words
 partnership will help them with proper guidance on what would be the best approaches to protect the
wildlife
Use synonyms
 and how can one contribute.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, there could be strict penalties
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can
fine
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 on hunting and illegal killing of
wildlife
Use synonyms
animals
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, I believe we need to invest more time and resources in saving the
animals
Use synonyms
 and birds as they will vanish away soon and our future generations will only see them in photographs. People can treat it as a social responsibility and take useful measures towards it.
Submitted by sehgalricha54 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are effectively connected throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to further support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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