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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In modern society, fashion is becoming more and more popular in people’s choice of clothes. Why? Do you think it is positive development or negative development?

With the advent of technology, pop culture has reached every nook of the earth
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are being receptive towards the latest
fashion
Use synonyms
 statements and societal demands of being
at
Change preposition
in
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 par with
fashion
Use synonyms
 culture.
For instance
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, as soon as a famous teenage artist sports tight leather pants, the next day a million of his followers can be seen imitating the style. It is conspicuous that
people
Use synonyms
 are more indulged
with
Change preposition
in
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 pop culture
due to
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 unprecedented connectedness of the world
along with
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 the social media accoutrements,
therefore
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,
first,
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they observe the global
fashion
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 trends and follow the same
subsequently
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. I will try to analyse these clothing selection choices and their positive and negative developments in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 spend money in order to either facilitate the ease of their lives or they want upliftment of their social stature. Of late, a tsunami of fashionistas and trends has been observed over the internet and advertisements;
in addition
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, famous personalities continuously make
fashion
Use synonyms
 statements through social media. Tremendous psychological manoeuvring and persuading have been done by these tools
,
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;
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as a result
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,
people
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 have accepted
fashion
Use synonyms
 clothing as the new norm of society. On a positive note, it has expanded the
fashion
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 industry and local markets
,
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;
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accordingly
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, the job demand
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along
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, along
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 with the number of small
businesses
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businesses,
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 has
also
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 seen a steady rise in the
last
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 decade.
On the other hand
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, the world has become one now
and
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, and
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 news travels like a wildfire; notwithstanding technical interconnectedness,
people
Use synonyms
 have drifted apart
and
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, and
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 social media has assumed the new societal role for these
people
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.
Consequently
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, there's a huge pressure
of maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
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 the latest trends, be it clothing, culinary showcasing or travelling;
people
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 want acceptance from their peers for their lifestyle and choices, resultantly,
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
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 what is popular and
in-demand
Use the right word
in demand
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.
Additionally
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, everyone seeks to add uniqueness to their nature and appearance
,
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;
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this
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 desire
also
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 leads
people
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 to choose exorbitant and designer
fashion
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 clothing. Following
fashion
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 demands can be advantageous in order to maintain social inclusion and
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
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 a cultural bond with neighbours and acquaintances.
To sum up
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, in my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 want the approval of their immediate connections and
thus
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 they adopt socially accepted
fashion
Use synonyms
 clothing in their lifestyle and endeavour to follow the updates in it as well.
However
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,
this
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 could be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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people
Use synonyms
 psychologically and economically.
On the contrary
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, the positive sides of
this
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fashion
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following
Verb problem
apply
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are
also
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 plenty and could result in increased social value.
Nevertheless
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, a balance must be maintained.

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structure
Make a plan before you write. Put one idea in each paragraph. Start with a short intro that states your view. End with a clear conclusion that repeats the view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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