IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some think that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retired from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree?

#think #people #age #work
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Life
Use synonyms
 expectancy has increased
as a result
Linking Words
 of a variety of reasons, including improved health care and better food, to name a few. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the retirement
age
Use synonyms
 should be raised
as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because retirement
age
Use synonyms
 is impacted by the kind of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
, and senior
people
Use synonyms
 play an essential role in society
that is
Linking Words
 not limited to working. The nature of jobs varies
accordingly
Linking Words
; some are physically demanding and some require a high degree of intelligence. Retirement
age
Use synonyms
 largely depends upon what type of work one is involved in, as longevity does not make a person
age
Use synonyms
 slower. Work
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 requires physical strength cannot be done after a certain
age
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, cleaning and lifting heavy equipment is unlikely to be done by
people
Use synonyms
 over 60.
Similarly
Linking Words
, football players retire usually after 35 because
after
Add the comma(s)
,after
show examples
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
, the stamina required for
this
Linking Words
 sport starts decreasing.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, rather than in workplaces, old
people
Use synonyms
 are needed in society. They are the ones who pass on beneficial
life
Use synonyms
 experiences to society and play a vital part in the preservation of our traditions and culture. Grandparents,
for instance
Linking Words
, teach their grandchildren a lot about their culture and traditions. Those with
life
Use synonyms
 experience can
also
Linking Words
 teach ethics and excellent morals to children. Rather
of
Change preposition
than
show examples
 working for a firm, retirees have an important social responsibility.
Finally
Linking Words
,
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy should not be used to determine the
age
Use synonyms
 at which you should retire. Rather, the job type should be considered.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, because elderly
people
Use synonyms
 are a gift to our future generations, their wisdom should be put to good use.
Submitted by khuongquynhnga1997 on

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