IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
It has been suggested that topic for discussion, how we can increase the
number
 of elder
people
 and they should be defended. In my opinion, there are some ways for progress in their
number
.
To begin
 with, how can be elder
people
 developed? Recently, I have read that from social media,
this
 process doesn't depend
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 us because the health must be defended with various activities by themselves.
Such
 as the cigarettes must be avoided, daily sport trains, daily sport must be done, getting positive energy, cheerful
instead
 of nervous, anxiety and so on. Briefly, I believe strongly, these activities can increase the
number
 of both the younger and the elder,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
,addition
show examples
 managing rules depend from themselves again, these can't be managed by the others.
On the other hand
, some protective measures ought to be enforced by the government to protect
people
.
Firstly
, the country has to find out negatives points or the elder's decreasing reasons.
In addition
, as a matter of fact, without home
people
 or orphan elder
people
's
number
 is developing so I consider that
such
people
 have to be cared or protect from the hazards by the government. As an example, the amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nursing homes should be got progress, extra income must be paid and so on.
Hence
, my personal view on
this
 matter, their
number
 progress
depends
Add the preposition
ondepends
show examples
 the measures of both government and themselves. Taking everything into consideration, I am of the opinion that these measures and notions can assist the elder's
number
 in the growth,
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
 these enactments are useful for managing
Submitted by aydin.quliyev2001 on

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