IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government should sometimes infringe on people's freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

One of the main responsibilities of the
government
Use synonyms
 is to maintain the law and
order
Use synonyms
 of the
country
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. In
order
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 to ensure the
security
Use synonyms
 of citizens, sometimes the
government
Use synonyms
 has to violate
people
Use synonyms
's
freedom
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 and will explain why I believe
people
Use synonyms
's
freedom
Use synonyms
 is breaching when improving national
security
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, law and
order
Use synonyms
 play an indispensable role in
security
Use synonyms
 in a
country
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. Since the
government
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 would take necessary actions to maintain the
protection
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 of society,
people
Use synonyms
 would have to deal with many violations of their
freedom
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays in almost every corner of the city have CCTV cameras operate 24 hours daily, whereas
people
Use synonyms
 are being monitored without their consent. Even though
this
Linking Words
 would impact their personal lives as it breaches their privileges,
this
Linking Words
 would decrease the crime rate in society which would improve the
protection
Use synonyms
 of individuals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that, in
order
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 to improve the
protection
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 of the community, the state has to take action even though they are infringing an individual's privacy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
order
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 to avoid terrorist attacks or similar attempts, authorities are conduction various searches in public areas. Since these operations are performing without prior notice,
people
Use synonyms
 are facing difficulties or delays in their day-to-day life. To illustrate, since police conduct raid public places
such
Linking Words
 as train stations, bus stations,
this
Linking Words
 impacts
people
Use synonyms
 who travel to the office or home as it could delay the usual process in those places. These activities ensure the
protection
Use synonyms
 of citizens from terrorist or underworld attacks on innocent
people
Use synonyms
 even though the way of ensuring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
security
Use synonyms
 is disturbing their daily schedule. In summary, it is intuitively obvious that
security
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 is a more important factor in a
country
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. Some
people
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 myself included strongly believe that
people
Use synonyms
's
freedom
Use synonyms
 would violate whereas the
government
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 take action to improves the
security
Use synonyms
 of the
country
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.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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