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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some belief that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Today people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spending money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 education should be
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online.
However
Linking Words
,others say that
the
Remove the article
apply
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it will be a good option
sending
Change the verb form
to send
show examples
 children to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
school teachers
a school teacher
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 teachers. I believe that the students need to experience their studying
time
Use synonyms
 in the
school
Use synonyms
 and avoid watching the screen
time
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 reducing the computer screen. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the different reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,spending more
time
Use synonyms
 with electronic gadgets is one of the most common
danger
Change to a plural noun
dangers
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 seen in different ages.
For example
Linking Words
, due to the
pandemic
Add a comma
,pandemic
show examples
 most children are on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
screen
time
Use synonyms
 for more than a year.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can affect the child in social,physical and emotional development because of less exercise and fitness.
For instance
Linking Words
, A child Who spends too much
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online
have
Change the verb form
has
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 a scope of
Replace the word
losing
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loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
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 eyesight and other
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues.
Body paragraph 2
Lastly
Linking Words
, consuming more
time
Use synonyms
 with gadgets
instead
Linking Words
 of sending
Add an article
a child
the child
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 to
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
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school
Use synonyms
 can affect
person
Correct article usage
a person
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 intellectually as
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 will be no partners in sharing or communicating personally.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, from
other
Change the wording
another perspective
other perspectives
show examples
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
 they think that sending young children to the
school
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can be
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 aspect.
However
Linking Words
, continuing with the
face
Use synonyms
 to
face
Use synonyms
 can build
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with the teachers and other classmates.
Moreover
Linking Words
,there will
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brain development and
able
Replace the word
ability
show examples
 to develop problem-solving skills because administration staff can always
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 us in person dealing with challenges different outcomes
Furthermore
Linking Words
,parents need to encourage their teenagers to attend
schhol
Correct your spelling
school
 or college in the institution rather than spending their
time
Use synonyms
 with laptops and mobile devices.
Conclusion
To conclude, In my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 today everyone
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more with chatting friends in online and stop talking
face
Use synonyms
 to
face
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that the teachers and other staff can give better guidance if we can send our kids to the
school
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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