Gone are the days when children dreamed of becoming doctors and nurses – today’s children want to become YouTubers or vloggers. According to a survey of 1,000 children aged six to 17, more than three quarters of them say they’d consider a career in online videos. It is dangerous for kids to aspire to become a YouTube sensation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Following the development of the Internet, numerous job opportunities for youngsters to engage the social media. In contemporary life, becoming a

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

sensation is a desirable dream for a huge number of people from six to seventeen years old, which is

concerned as

Verb problem

considered

show examples

a dangerous one for kids to take part in. In my perspective, I strongly agree with the statement view and

this

essay will focus on the main reasons and provide several relevant examples. Obviously,

vlogger

Fix the agreement mistake

vloggers

show examples

and

streamer

Fix the agreement mistake

streamers

show examples

are legitimate careers considering certain benefits, especially for teenagers and undergraduate students. First of all, working online as celebrities in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

virtual work might stimulate the participants to be more creative and productive. Essentially, viewers demand new content and amazing ideas from people who design the entertainment videos;

therefore

, the producers have to utilize their imaginations and learn new skills for other

Youtube

collaborators not only

satisfy

Fix the infinitive

to satisfy

show examples

their followers but

also

complete

Fix the infinitive

to complete

show examples

their projects before deadlines.

Secondly

, the youngsters possessing their own vlogs or websites would receive the great advantage of

recruitments

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recruitment

show examples

. In terms of job interviews, some

achievement

Fix the agreement mistake

achievements

show examples

related to the Internet

such

as having a million TikTok views or owning a million supprises on

Correct article usage

a Youtube

show examples

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

channel enable

Correct pronoun usage

one to

show examples

impress

company's

Correct article usage

the company's

show examples

employers

Change preposition

with more

show examples

than several academic certificates from other competitors.

On the other hand

, the negative side of famous is undeniable including unsustainable income and facing various scandals. Properly,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social trend frequently changes mean those

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

cooperators might lose their

influences

Fix the agreement mistake

influence

show examples

if one day their jokes and their concept are outdated and nobody wants to their clips. In other words, the creators are unable to measure the value of their products and how long they can stick with

this

passion.

Finally

, almost

Youtubers

Correct determiner usage

all Youtubers

show examples

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

experiences with

criticals

Correct your spelling

critical

show examples

from the Internet without

age

Correct article usage

an age

show examples

limit;

thus

, they must carefully even in the smallest deeds which raise their mental

pressures

Fix the agreement mistake

pressure

show examples

. In conclusion, the desire of youngsters to own a

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

channel or vlog is significantly

convinced

Replace the word

convincing

show examples

which

provide

Correct subject-verb agreement

provides

show examples

motivation to work hard and greater job profiles.

However

, the negative impacts are considerable engaging unstable income and depression in real life.

Submitted by huyvuive2001 on Sat Oct 02 2021

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task response

Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of becoming a YouTube sensation. However, there is a need for more balanced consideration of both sides of the argument.

coherence and cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion could be stronger, and the connection between ideas within paragraphs is not always clear. Additionally, transitions between ideas are lacking.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

349 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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