Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate
over reaching
Correct your spelling
overreaching
show examples
family
history
.
While
some claim that it is necessary for
people
to investigate family
history
, the opposite makes a statement that concentrating on the present and the future generations is more important.
While
the former is valid to some extent, I regard myself as an advocate of the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt, investigating family
history
is essential. Doing research assists
people
understand
Change preposition
in understanding
show examples
their family tree.
Additionally
, research creates
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
conditions to discover biological aspects which are conducive for doctors to find out the treatment of genetic diseases. To be more specific, some genes or DNA have hints for doctors to be able to effectively diagnose the possibility of infection
such
as asthma or cancer.
Hence
, investigating family
history
is quite essential.
While
the redeeming features of research are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if concentrating on the present and future generations is ignored, which plays a paramount significant role.
This
might probably be because they are the
people
who can be present to aid us promptly whenever we are in need of help.
For example
, when we have financial problems, our parents, cousins, siblings, or relatives are the
people
who can help us.
Therefore
, they are the
people
who should be focused on in terms of spending time looking after them and strengthening the bonds among family members. In a nutshell, both viewpoints on researching family
history
have their own merits. I believe that future generations should be put into the priority.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To enhance task response, ensure that your essay explicitly addresses all parts of the prompt. Although you've discussed both viewpoints and provided your opinion, deepening your analysis and offering more nuanced insights or solutions could make your response more comprehensive and persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, maintain a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. You've done well in structuring your essay and connecting ideas. To further improve, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next.
task response
To boost the score in task achievement, focus on developing your arguments with more specific, detailed examples and evidence. While you have included examples, making them more detailed and directly linked to your arguments will enhance the depth and persuasiveness of your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: