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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are theadvantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?

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In recent years,
children
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's
toys
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 have become an integral part of modern life bringing both benefits and challenges.
While
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 some argue that buying various kinds of
toys
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 offers numerous advantages, others believe it creates significant drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding with a balanced view. One major advantage of purchasing playing
toys
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 for kids is that it enhances their cognitive
skills
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, leading to improved memory.
For instance
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, there are several kinds of educational and playing
toys
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 available in the market, that allow individuals to participate, making everyday tasks more efficient. Another significant benefit is the development of sensory
skills
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, which contributes to the
overall
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 growth of the
children
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 by providing better opportunities to succeed in many fields.
As a result
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, many people experience improvement in their
overall
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 quality of life. Despite these benefits, having a large number of
toys
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 for
children
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also
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 has its drawbacks. A key issue is to mimic the voice of
toys
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, which can lead to the birth of various diseases.
For example
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, playing with sensory and talking
toys
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 has resulted in negatively impacting their speaking
skills
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. Another disadvantage is the behaviour of the
children
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, as it may cause autism or make them feel anxious, creating long-term problems for both
children
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 and parents. These issues highlight the need for effective steps to minimize negative effects. In conclusion,
while
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 buying a huge amount of
toys
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 for
children
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 offers significant advantages
such
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 as the development of cognitive
skills
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, its drawbacks, including anxiety and the birth of autism, should not be ignored. To maximize benefits
while
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 reducing harm, individuals and policymakers should adopt a balanced approach. Ultimately, careful management of playing and educational
toys
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 is essential to ensure sustainable progress.

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task achievement
Ensure that each point is fully elaborated with examples to enhance clarity and depth. For instance, provide more specific examples of how toys aid cognitive development or sensory skills.
task achievement
Avoid vague statements; instead, mention specific types of toys when discussing their effects (e.g., educational toys vs. electronic gadgets).
coherence
Make sure to clearly differentiate between advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs to improve logical flow.
coherence
Revise phrasing and word choice to eliminate inaccuracies (e.g., 'mimic the voice of toys' could be clarified as 'over-reliance on electronic toys').
content
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
coherence
The conclusion nicely summarizes the main points and emphasizes the need for a balanced approach to managing children's toys.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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