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Band 6

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
Nowadays, violence is significantly increased
such
 as sweeping
fire
Fix the agreement mistake
fires
show examples
, bloodshed, rape. Some people think that these criminals should be punished by dispatch.
However
, in my opinion, I disagree with
this
 idea and
this
 will be analyzed.
First
 of all, I believe that if capital punishment was used, the rate of death of victims will expand because the released victim will certainly report the police, so there is no way that the people who committed the
crime
 will not let the prey go away eventually they will murder the prey. These result from they do not want to be
Add an article
a catch
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catch
Change the form of the verb
caught
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.
Moreover
, no one can guarantee that the
crime
 will decrease
therefore
 Additional security is another way to do.
For instance
, adding more light along the route as well as observation of the police in order to prevent occurring
crime
 in society
Secondly
, most of the harshness
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
show examples
initiate
Wrong verb form
initiated
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 from family or childhood in the
first
 place. Children who were penalized severely can cause physical and mental pain.
This
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
results
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in the
crime
 of violence
thus
 dwindling the
crime
 should solve with the root cause, not the consequences. the government or relevant agencies must have a measurement to cope with
this
 problem.
For example
, they should have a psychologist in charge and check teenagers’ mental health to certain that condition of mind is still
alright
Replace the word
all right
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. To conclude, I strongly believe that handling with the origin factor is more beneficial than using the death penalty,
besides
 it might decline
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of offenders
Submitted by phatthananbam on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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