IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people feel unsafe either staying at home or going out? What are the possible reasons for this? What can be done to address the issue?

#people #home #address
Thought out the world the issue
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 feeling insecure indoors and outdoors is
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 dramatically.
People
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society feel anxious about their safety and
this
 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
 phenomenon and find out how to overcome it.
Firstly
,
people
 afraid of going out because of
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
an increasing
show examples
 rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime wherever they are. Antisocial
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
people
 caused by unemployment and not being able to enter normal social life. The rate of crime in every country raised a lot during
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic and the risk of
violence
 and
Correct your spelling
sexual harassment
show examples
sexual-harassment
Correct your spelling
sexual harassment
show examples
 is much higher compared to the past,
therefore
 many
people
 are not willing to go out every weekend and stay for long.
Moreover
, nowadays staying at home is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 significant issue than going out, because domestic
violence
 is being
Correct your spelling
spread
spreaded
Correct your spelling
spread
show examples
 out dramatically. In family
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 one of the partners
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
show examples
 from physical and mental
violence
. In many
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 they are not able to stop it or get help, so it
continiouses
Correct your spelling
continues
 till the end. The solution for antisocial
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is to increase
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 from the government’s actions and approve equal
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 for employees. For particularly
these
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who do not suffer due to unemployment but still make a crime the government should provide psychological treatment. What about domestic
violence
, the social organizations should analyse the actions of
people
 hailing from broken homes and families with worse conditions in order to prevent the worst ending. To conclude, the social problem make
people
affraid
Correct your spelling
afraid
 of going out or staying home, so the many
action
Change to a plural noun
actions
show examples
 from the government should be able to solve
this
 problem
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perceive
  • Threat
  • Crime
  • Fear
  • Accident
  • Natural disaster
  • Personal security
  • Trust
  • Authorities
  • Social isolation
  • Loneliness
  • Media
  • News coverage
  • Community safety measures
  • Personal security awareness
  • Transparency
  • Support networks
  • Community involvement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: