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Writing Samples
Band 6

Globalisation has advantages and disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Due to
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globalisation
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,
people
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 have witnessed an economic boom, which led to the advent of the affluent society, and are enjoying a decent life.
However
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, advantages are usually accompanied by disadvantages, and one of them is global warming which is worrisome and vital. From my point of view, when enjoying the convenience brought by
globalisation
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, we cannot overlook the consequences of it. Thanks to
globalisation
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, it is undeniable that
people
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's lives have been improved enormously, compared to a pre-globalised world.
For example
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, in the past
people
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 were less willing to travel abroad because of extravagant flying tickets and limited flights.
In contrast
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,
people
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 nowadays can easily fly to an adjacent country at a reasonable cost for a holiday trip, or to remote nations if time allows.
As a result
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, it is not difficult to believe that
people
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 these days have become more pleasant than before.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 must have the awareness of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 catastrophic
ramification
Fix the agreement mistake
ramifications
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 that
globalisation
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 can bring, like global warming. In a consumer society, in order to earn more money from customers, suppliers will build more factories to produce more commodities, and
such
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 an activity will exacerbate the total amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere,
such
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 as carbon dioxide and methane. If
this
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 trend cannot be constrained, the next endangered creature will be humans themselves, especially those who live in the littoral area. In conclusion,
while
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people
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 can benefit from
globalisation
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 in terms of welfare, the consequences of it cannot be ignored. In my opinion, pursuing eudaimonia is human nature, but avoiding humankind’s extinction is of utmost importance.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are somewhat lacking in clarity and specificity. Make sure to clearly state your viewpoint and summarise your main points in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of globalisation and providing your own opinion. However, your examples and arguments could be more specific and well-developed to provide a clearer and more comprehensive discussion of the topic.
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