IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why is this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?

#people #countries #time #communities #work #houses
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In recent years, there has been an increase in the number of young individuals from underdeveloped
countries
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 volunteering in poor
communities
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 abroad, particularly in areas
such
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 as teaching and construction.
This
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 trend can be attributed to several factors, with both the
volunteers
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 and the
communities
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 gaining benefits from
this
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 experience. There are some factors that can explain why young
people
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 choose to engage in unpaid work in poorer
countries
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, one of which is the desire for personal growth and global awareness. In many developed nations, young individuals are eager to broaden their perspectives and experience life outside of their comfort zones. By working directly with
communities
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 that face economic challenges,
volunteers
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 gain valuable life skills and a deeper understanding of social issues, which they may not be able to achieve in their own
countries
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.
Furthermore
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, the rise of global connectivity and social media has exposed these young
people
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 to the realities of poverty and inequality, in turn,leading
a
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to a
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desire to contribute in a meaningful way.
This
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 type of volunteer work brings substantial benefits to both parties involved. On one hand, poor
communities
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 receive much-needed support in areas
such
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 as education and infrastructure.
Volunteers
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 can provide skills and resources that local
communities
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 may lack, which can have a lasting impact on development.
On the other hand
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, young
people
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 benefit greatly from the personal growth that
this
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 experience provides. They often return to their home
countries
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 with a greater sense of responsibility, compassion, and cultural awareness, qualities that can enhance their careers and personal lives. In conclusion,
while
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 the motivations behind young
people
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's volunteer work in poorer
countries
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 may vary, it is apparent that both the
communities
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 and the
volunteers
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 themselves receive significant rewards.
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, try including specific examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits to both the volunteers and the communities.
task achievement
Work on reinforcing the clarity of your ideas by elaborating on the points made, possibly using statistical data or quotes from experts.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by connecting the main ideas more seamlessly and ensuring that transitions between paragraphs maintain the flow of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the response effectively.
coherence cohesion
It provides a logical progression of ideas, addressing both questions posed in the prompt.
task achievement
The writing demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, addressing the reasons behind the trend and the benefits to different parties.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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