IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

#parents #time #children #case
There is a controversial notion heating a debate over the free
time
 current
parents
 spend with their
children
. Obviously, because
this
 is an alarming social issue nowadays,
this
 essay will analyze both reasons and results of
this
 concern. It cannot be denied that currently,
parents
 have to face several dire problems in
this
 extremely intensive society, which made their schedule be too tight to have a high-quality spare
time
. Evidently, almost all
parents
 have a permanent job, which required them 8 hours per day to complete their work. After solving their heavy workload, they may come home with an exhausted body that they just want to stay alone to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a tranquil frame of their mind. Due to that, they just can spend a couple of hours looking after their
children
, which may create many drawbacks for the comprehensive development of kids. Notably,
this
 phenomenon will bring a wealth of negative results on the family relationship which affected both
parents
 and their own
children
. Because of inadequate
time
,
parents
 can not have any opportunities to understand their
children
’s thinking or follow their learning journey status which may exacerbate their
children
’s lives in the future.
For example
, a student, who is lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the parent’s attention, can easily be allured by the other naughty friends in school. He may drop some lessons or try to smoke a cigarette because of hanging out with these friends. If
parents
 do not have
time
 to focus on them, they can not go back to the right way to become better citizens which can pose a strong threat to society. To sum up,
parents
 have to re-manage their schedule to balance their
time
 which may let them have more leisure
time
 to spend with their
children
 to bring more and more merits to them.
Submitted by thuhuong3031999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: