Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money

Some

people

believe that being rich is the major way to make a happy life. It is undeniable that having a lot of

money

would make

people

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apply

show examples

have a good quality of life.

This

essay will present the facts

how

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of how

show examples

it might make

people

happy, and what other factors that can do the same.

First

of all,

people

need

money

fulfill

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fulfil

show examples

their needs,

such

as buying some foods, paying for the rent, paying for medicines, etc. At the same time, societies use social status by comparing

Add an article

the amount

show examples

amount

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amounts

show examples

money

Therefore

, it can be seen that a

millionair

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millionaire

can buy everything to meet their desires, like travelling aboard or having expensive

seafoods

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seafood

kinds of seafood

plates of seafood

show examples

Moreover

, rich

people

can effort to buy some luxury items which could represent their wealth. Generally, they are

consumerisms

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consumers

show examples

who believe that they have

good

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a good

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life if they have more

money

Nevertheless

, there are other factors making

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an individual

show examples

individual

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individuals

show examples

happy.

Firstly

, having

meaningful

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a meaningful

show examples

relationship

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relationships

show examples

with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

family and friends can

also

help one

feeling

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feel

show examples

great.

Secondly

, some elderly

people

feel well by just seeing the sea.

Lastly

, being healthy makes

people

feeling

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feel

show examples

energitic

Correct your spelling

energetic

that

money

could not buy.

For instance

, illness means one has to stay at the hospital and cannot do

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many

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much

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such

show examples

activities.

This

is what

heathier

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healthier

show examples

is happier than having more

money

. In conclusion, owning more

money

could make

people

happier in many aspects.

However

, not all

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apply

show examples

things

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the things

show examples

could be purchased

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with

show examples

money

. It can be

great

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a great

show examples

relationship, looking at the nice view, and

stay

Wrong verb form

staying

show examples

healthy. All of these factors are what can make

people

happy as well.

Submitted by kanokwann.joy on Tue Nov 09 2021

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financial security
Basic needs
Comfort
Luxury
Freedom
Altruistic
Philanthropy
Nurturing relationships
Fulfillment
Sense of accomplishment
Physical well-being
Spiritual beliefs
Community involvement
Gratitude
Mindfulness
Simple pleasures

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