IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patient's health, no matter how rich they are. Do you agree or disagree?

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At present, most
doctors
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 are known to be wealthy. It has become a controversial issue that
doctors
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 should not concentrate on their financial status by having high salary jobs
such
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 as plastic surgery or looking after high-class
patients
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.
In contrast
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, they should be spending more of their time on
patients
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' health. In my opinion, I strongly agree that
patients
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' health should be the
first
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 priority every professor should consider. In the following paragraphs, the reasons for my agreement will be outlined in detail. It is undeniable that some types of
doctors
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 are having a weird strategy in working in
this
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 career. The aim of being a
doctor
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 is to take care and heal the
patients
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 from sickness with equal services, while some only want to be a
doctor
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 because they want to become a millionaire, not to serve the public. It is even worse when these
doctors
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 are only running after rich
patients
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 with different services from the poor. I always believe, especially in
this
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 generation, that everyone in the world is equal. All humankind
have
Change the verb form
has
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 the equal right to access medical treatment with no judgement of their financial background from people who called themselves a
doctor
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. Whether the
patients
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 are rich or poor, come from a low, middle, or high class, as a
doctor
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, they should all keep in mind that the wellness of these people is the
first
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 thing they should think of. To exemplify
this
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, there was one news report on the television saying a young poor kid passed away in his mother's arms after waiting for his name to be called to meet the
doctor
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 and get his proper treatment for more than 6 hours.
This
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 was because his mother can't afford to pay more like other richer citizens, so the only thing they can do at that moment was to wait, wait until the child.
Therefore
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, I agree that it is extremely essential for
doctors
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 to take the patient's health as their
first
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 priority. In conclusion, it is true that some professors, nowadays, are focusing more on wealth but not what they are supposed to do as a
doctor
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, which is to cure the citizens with equality. I am totally agreed that the wellness of the population is the most important point where all
doctors
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 should be focusing on, not the
patients
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' financial background.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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