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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give Information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give Information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
#information #ages #populations #yemen #projections
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The pie charts give data about the age of the
population
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
 two nations include Yemen and Italy in 2000 and some predictions until 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, what can be seen is that, in all 4 charts, the
middle- aged
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
 category between 15 to 59
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 taken the enormous proportions and
predicting
Wrong verb form
predicted
show examples
 to be the same in the future.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the half
population
Use synonyms
 of Yemen obviously
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50,01%
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consisted of children from 0 to 14.
In addition
Linking Words
, nearly
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 half of
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 belonged to
middle-aged
Add an article
the middle-aged
a middle-aged
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 with 46,3%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the oldest
group
Use synonyms
 of people who are 60+ were 3,6%
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the least
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 type.
However
Linking Words
, in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 it is
predicting
Wrong verb form
predicted
show examples
 that it will show some rise to 5,7%
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
similar to
middle-aged
Add an article
the middle-aged
a middle-aged
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 from 46,3% to 57,3%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the proportion of children will decrease and become in the
second
Linking Words
 rank with 37%.
However
Linking Words
, the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of Italy is totally different,
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 middle-aged
group
Use synonyms
 was the highest one consisting
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 61,6%
while
Linking Words
 the oldest category
also
Linking Words
 higher
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
8X if it is compared to
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 chart.
In addition
Linking Words
, the youngsters were 14,3% being in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third
Linking Words
 place. In the near future, the younger will not show really recognizable results,
however
Linking Words
, the oldest
population
Use synonyms
 will be rising up to 42,3 and
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 the same after
middle-aged
Correct article usage
the middle-aged
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 with
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
less
for
Change preposition
than
show examples
 3,9%.
Submitted by abdullayev2000ulugbek on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, in addition".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
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