IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over the past century, the life span of
people
Use synonyms
 all around the world has been increasing so every community nowadays has more and more old
people
Use synonyms
 than in the past.
Although
Linking Words
, some experts argue that it creates huge problems for states, in
this
Linking Words
 regard others believe that the benefits outweigh the merits. Personally, I am in favour of the second view for three main reasons which will be discussed
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 article. In fact, the increase in the older population in every country creates more opportunities for society. First of all, the wisdom and experience of these
people
Use synonyms
 could be used;
in other words
Linking Words
, they were achieving various experiences and mastering some fields which create a potential source for curious youngsters and junior students to achieve these lessons.
For instance
Linking Words
, if old teachers are teaching in universities and schools, the student knowledge will be increased constantly.
However
Linking Words
, many universities use professors, who are the old masters in specific fields to study and guide curious students.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the mentorship advocacy and their role model characteristics are other advantages of these
generations
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means that they would contribute to helping younger
generations
Use synonyms
 to gain adaption and resilience in their life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their unique character particularly their patience in mixed decisions and their successions in various aspects of their life, serve them as a role model for juniors.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if society invests in using an old expert person, the young
generations
Use synonyms
 will gain hope and the ability to develop their behaviour.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, these valuable
generations
Use synonyms
 have great community engagement in social aspects. To put it simply, they have more time to engage in social actions particularly, charities, free teaching,
On the other hand
Linking Words
, old communities create some merits
such
Linking Words
 as the expensive costs and facilities of healthcare for old diseased individuals. It means that older
people
Use synonyms
 have a greater chance to obtain chronic and acute diseases than younger ones,
therefore
Linking Words
 advanced healthcare is needed to tackle these issues.
However
Linking Words
, by improving knowledge in medicine nowadays more and more countries control the diseases of these individuals.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the usage of infrastructure in cities is a basic need for these groups of
people
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, these facilities are
also
Linking Words
 too expensive and require advanced actions to tackle these problems.
While
Linking Words
, like the prior merit of developing knowledge in engineering sectors these problems would be overcome. All in all, in my opinion, the advantages of having more older
people
Use synonyms
 in societies outweigh the disadvantages for three essential reasons
such
Linking Words
 as their experience and wisdom, mentorship and role model behaviour, and their engagement in social actions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure of your paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph presents a single, clear main idea, supported by evidence or examples. This will make your arguments more coherent and easier to follow.
task achievement
Make sure to include specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will help substantiate your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are quite long and complex, which can make them hard to understand. Try to use shorter, clearer sentences to convey your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You addressed the task well by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, and provided a clear opinion supported by reasons.
task achievement
Your points about the wisdom, mentorship, and community engagement of elderly people are very well-articulated and add depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: