IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Successful sports professionals can earn much more money than people in other important jobs. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The income of some famous
sportmen
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
 and
sportwomen
Correct your spelling
sportswomen
sport women
sportswoman
 is not comparable in amount with other positions. While some
people
Use synonyms
 are promoting the idea that the huge sums of
money
Use synonyms
 they earn
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 reasonable, others consider more important occupations
further
Linking Words
 deserved to earn
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
. I am convinced that the
money
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 earn should be based on the value of
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
 they provide. Those who advocate sports professionals' earnings have some valid points. They usually take the example of well-known
athlets
Correct your spelling
athletes
 like Messy or Ronaldinio who have been trying hard to accomplish their achievements since they were little kids.
Thus
Linking Words
, most of those athletes work hard to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the point they are standing now,
people
Use synonyms
 believe they deserve these incomes. Apart from that, they are bringing enjoyment to human life and entertaining
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, after the win of a national
footbal
Correct your spelling
football
 team, the value of happiness
people
Use synonyms
 of that country experience should not be underestimated.
Therefore
Linking Words
, one should say here that they are helping
people
Use synonyms
 feel better, so the
money
Use synonyms
 they earn is well-deserved. Despite the above, there are
also
Linking Words
 other occupations that are expected to earn more. One of them is
health
Use synonyms
 care providers who are sacrificing themselves and spending their days and nights taking care of public
health
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the income of nurses who spend their
lives
Use synonyms
to help
Change the verb form
helping
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the worse moments of their
lives
Use synonyms
 is less than football players. As they are saving
lives
Use synonyms
, it is not fair to them to earn less. The other careers that are paid much less are those involved with recycling. These
people
Use synonyms
 are bearing long shift works to clean the place humans reside.
This
Linking Words
 results in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 diseases, the beauty of cities, and humans' better
lives
Use synonyms
. To sum up, one can say that sports professional earnings are justified by the challenges they underwent and
happiness
Correct article usage
the happiness
show examples
 they bring to
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that other fields like
health
Use synonyms
 care members and the ones cleaning cities deserve more due to the role they play in the
health
Use synonyms
 of humans.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: