IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sport, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #sports #teams #football #sport #tennis
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These days, there are many different types of
sports
Use synonyms
 being played. Many of them are played individually and some of them are played in teams. I firmly believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 which are played in teams are more beneficial than individual
sports
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide examples and a conclusion to support my opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, playing in a
team
Use synonyms
 excites us in several ways.
Team
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
 are always cheerful and supportive throughout the
game
Use synonyms
 and we all have experienced that if an individual player from the
team
Use synonyms
 scores a goal or hits a home run, the rest of the
team
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members
Use synonyms
 start celebrating that moment.
For example
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, I saw a cricket match recently where one
team
Use synonyms
 was not performing well and suddenly, all their
team
Use synonyms
members
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 started cheering each other. In the end, they won that match in an unexpected way!
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if we talk about spectators, most of them like to watch
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 like baseball or rugby rather than individual
sports
Use synonyms
 like tennis or badminton.
However
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, individual
sports
Use synonyms
 on the other side are boring. If a
game
Use synonyms
 is tough, it is very difficult for an individual to remain calm and be self-motivated which makes it more difficult for them to concentrate. There is not enough guidance for that individual during the
game
Use synonyms
 if they are facing a complex time which makes the
game
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 look boring.
For example
Linking Words
, I was watching a tennis match and I noticed that the person playing the
game
Use synonyms
 was frustrated and wasn't able to compete. On the other side, I saw a football match where all the
team
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
 celebrated every single goal scored by their fellow
team
Use synonyms
members
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. In conclusion, I believe that playing in a
team
Use synonyms
 has many benefits like motivation, celebration, constant guidance and fair competition among the
team
Use synonyms
.
While
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 on the other side, individual
sports
Use synonyms
 are more serious, boring and time-consuming which bores viewers as well.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

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Task Achievement
Try to present both viewpoints with an equal degree of scrutiny before concluding with your own perspective. This balanced approach enhances the depth of discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Maintain objectivity when discussing opposing viewpoints. Phrases such as 'boring' may come across as biased and could be replaced with more neutral language to present a reasoned argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion which clearly states your viewpoint, reinforcing the structure of your argument.
Task Achievement
The use of relevant examples strengthens your argument, making your points more vivid and persuasive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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