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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Globalization is positive for economies but its negative sides should not be ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree? checked

#globalization #economies
There are numerous beneficial factors that globalization may contribute to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 high economic
status
 of a country
however
 its drawbacks must not be neglected. I firmly believe that it will have a great impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 economic development and I will give my support in the ensuing paragraphs. On the one hand,
gathering
Correct article usage
the gathering
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 of different countries
in
Change preposition
at
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 Dubai
expo
Capitalize word
Expo
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 2020 brought
a
Correct article usage
apply
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spectacular merits to their economy
such
 as in the livelihood industries of the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
For instance
, those locally made products will be introduced to different visitors and
absolutely
Rephrase
apply
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they will purchase
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 for the sake of souvenirs. In
this
 way,
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 of Dubai will obtain high revenue and it will help its economic
status
.
However
,
due to
Change preposition
apply
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the congestion of tourists,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might be a contributory factor in
easy
Add an article
the easy
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 transmission of upper respiratory infections like flu, but the health institution of Dubai will adhere to effective handwashing for the people to prevent the transmission of viral infection.
Thus
, the positive effect
to
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on
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 its economic
status
 will not hinder the health of the public.
On the other hand
, globalization
also
 attracts people globally to explore a specific country.
Such
 as in Japan, where the previous
olympic
Correct your spelling
olympics
 was held; most Japanese
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 information
with
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about
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 different tourist destinations to all the visitors coming from different continents of the world. In
such
 a way,
this
 will make their tourism industry
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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procure a
high income
Add a hyphen
high-income
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 tax return from all the visitors. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 high waste products will arise
due to
 the high impact of tourist,
still
Rephrase
apply
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their government
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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implementing numerous signages in every corner of the tourist spot on how to properly
dispose
Add the preposition
dispose of
show examples
 their garbages in
such
 a way that
surroundings
Correct your spelling
surrounding
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 cleanliness will be maintained.
Hence
, Japan will get a high income
for
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from
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tourism
Add an article
the tourism
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 industry
as well as
 maintaining the beauty of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature. In summary, all
diffrerent
Correct your spelling
different
 gatherings of individuals to a specific country that would give a high revenue to their economic
status
 is a great help to all,
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 ruining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Mother Earth
as well as
 the health of the public by giving a huge emphasis on it as well.
Submitted by maymosqueda on

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task response
The essay shows a limited understanding of the topic. The discussion lacks depth and fails to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is weak, and the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It is important to develop a more organized and coherent structure to improve readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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