IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that mobiles are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

#people #mobiles #children #side
Smartphones have become a basic item for most people in the world. Nowadays, many
children
also
 have their own mobiles. There is a differing view
whether
Change preposition
on whether
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 it is detrimental to the
children
 by owning a cellphone. In my point of view, I think the drawbacks far outweigh the benefits. On the one hand, it may ensure the safety of the
children
 because parents could get in touch with them easily and instantly.
For example
, if the
children
is
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are
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 accidentally
Correct your spelling
separated
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 from their parents in an amusement park, phone calls could be made to
redendervous
Correct your spelling
rendezvous
.
Moreover
,
children
 could learn some knowledge through informative videos and
audio
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audiobook
show examples
book
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books
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 on
the
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their
show examples
 phones.
This
 could contribute to their study and avail them to get a better score.
However
, there are several harmful factors to be considered apart from the good effects.
Firstly
, it might expose the
children
 to violent content and sexual images without parental supervision, which has an adverse impact on their growth.
Secondly
,
children
 tend to play games on their phones
instead
 of socialising with their peers during
family
Add an article
a family
the family
show examples
gathering
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gatherings
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. If the phones have been taken away, they are likely to throw
tantrum
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tantrums
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.
This
 certainly does have a negative effect on their social ability and character cultivation.
Finally
, excessive usage can cause damage to their eyes ,which results in the
i
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I
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 of some
job
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jobs
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such
 as
pilot
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a pilot
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. In a nutshell, I believe that it is not a good influence on
children
 to give them a phone if they lack self-discipline
although
 it could
benefits
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benefit
show examples
 them in some ways.
Submitted by jessegush on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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