Some people think that mobiles are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

Smartphones have become a basic item for most people in the world. Nowadays, many
children
also
have their own mobiles. There is a differing view
whether
Change preposition
on whether

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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it is detrimental to the
children
by owning a cellphone. In my point of view, I think the drawbacks far outweigh the benefits. On the one hand, it may ensure the safety of the
children
because parents could get in touch with them easily and instantly.
For example
, if the
children
is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject children. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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accidentally
Correct your spelling
separated

If you don’t want seperated to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

seperated
Correct your spelling
separated

If you don’t want seperated to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

from their parents in an amusement park, phone calls could be made to
redendervous
Correct your spelling
rendezvous

If you don’t want redendervous to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
Moreover
,
children
could learn some knowledge through informative videos and
audio
Correct your spelling
audiobook

The word audio book seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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book
Fix the agreement mistake
books

It seems that book may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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on
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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phones.
This
could contribute to their study and avail them to get a better score.
However
, there are several harmful factors to be considered apart from the good effects.
Firstly
, it might expose the
children
to violent content and sexual images without parental supervision, which has an adverse impact on their growth.
Secondly
,
children
tend to play games on their phones
instead
of socialising with their peers during
family
Add an article
a family
the family

The noun phrase family gathering seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings

It seems that gathering may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. If the phones have been taken away, they are likely to throw
tantrum
Fix the agreement mistake
tantrums

It seems that tantrum may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
This
certainly does have a negative effect on their social ability and character cultivation.
Finally
, excessive usage can cause damage to their eyes ,which results in the
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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of some
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs

It seems that job may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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such
as
pilot
Add an article
a pilot

The noun phrase pilot seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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. In a nutshell, I believe that it is not a good influence on
children
to give them a phone if they lack self-discipline
although
it could
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit

The verb benefits after the modal verb could does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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them in some ways.
Submitted by jessegush on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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