IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In spite of the advance made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advance #agriculture #people #world #case
Nowadays, with the advancement of world economics and agriculture, more and more individuals are now able to prevent their hunger and even try some premium delicacies.
However
, at the same time, residents that live in a country
that is
 in a relatively poorer condition still starve.
This
 essay is devoted to revealing the reason why the phenomenon happens and suggesting some possible solutions that we can offer.
First
 and foremost, a poor economy is the core reason why those
regions
 are in poor conditions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since with insufficient funds, governments in those
regions
 could neither afford to purchase foodstuff from other countries nor implement any effective policies on developing agriculture.
For example
, in Somalia, one of the poorest countries in the world, more than 70% of its population are suffered from hunger, and the government hasn’t had the capability of changing the current dilemma because of a lack of necessary funds. Their only, main way of consuming foodstuff is accepting the
support
 from United Nation.
Therefore
, to release
this
 intense situation, the effective way so far, in my opinion, is to offer economic and foodstuff
support
 from other developed
regions
. At present, there is a great amount of food waste in a lot of developed societies, with their developed economy, it will be appropriate for them to offer
support
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that we can utilize our sources maximumly. To exemplify that, Ethiopia, was one of the most undeveloped societies on the earth,
however
, thanks to the
support
 from other developed societies and its own efforts in development, it has now become relatively a better country compared with other countries in Africa. To summarize, poor economics is one of the most vital reasons why residents in some
regions
 are suffered from hunger and other societies’
support
 could play an important role in getting rid of that dilemma.
Submitted by 785220502 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: