IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people buy things they do not really need? Do you think this is a good thing?

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The world is globalizing very fast and marketing is one of the best strategies for humans to feel
this
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 rapid growth.
Consequently
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, advertising creates human needs which are not necessary to live by. It is true
people
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 purchase
items
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 that are not necessary for daily lifestyle and
also
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 unreasonably, buy new versions of the same existing product.
This
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 tendency can be categorised as impulsive buying which is a reckless and negative impact on normal life.
To begin
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 with, Humans are naturally seeking love and attention and try to satisfy these emotions by purchasing luxury or trending products. We live in a competitive world where everyone trying to be ahead of someone by being popular or the centre of attraction.
Therefore
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, the trouble-free method is to purchase some
items
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 that are not needed.
For example
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,
people
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 tend to buy the newest version of electronic
items
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 like iPhones, beauty
items
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 and clothes.
As a result
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,
people
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 will still crave attention, and acceptance and get stuck in a continual loop of satisfaction until the money is too tight to live. In my view, it is a bad practice to spend money on unwanted commodities. First of all, these unwise decisions
on buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 needless trending
items
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 and the new editions of the current products create a life on the breadline even without knowing.
For instance
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, I have seen
people
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 ruin their financial stability because they purchased consumer goods,
such
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 as cars, phones, and jewellery that are not affordable.
As a result
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, families and individuals struggle to meet their basic needs. In conclusion, unchecked and unhealthy consumerism destroys life and impacts the
overall
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 cost of living.
People
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 should encourage their selves to save money
,
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apply
show examples
 and invest in business or education to mitigate the risk of destructive consumerism

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the prompt by analyzing the reasons for unnecessary purchases and providing a clear opinion. However, it would benefit from a more detailed analysis and more specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas, with a clear introduction and conclusion. The use of transitional devices could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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