IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Nowadays, there are several food and beverage processed
products
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 in which
sugar
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 is one of the main ingredients, leading to
health
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 issues. Some
people
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 argue that the price of those
products
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 has to be higher, to demotivate
people
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 to consume them. As far as I am concerned, I totally agree with
this
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 point of view. I truly believe that working on the price could be beneficial. In
this
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 essay, I will
first
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, discuss the consequences of diets based on industrial goods and
secondly
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, I will discuss the positive consequences of the creation of a
sugar
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 tax.
To begin
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 with, it is universally acknowledged that diets based on industrial goods lead to
health
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 issues. Many
people
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 believe that alongside global warming,
health
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 issues related to industrial product consumption are one of the main problems that global leaders have to resolve. In the view of several specialists, many foods and beverages
products
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 contain too much quantity of
sugar
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, leading to serious diseases, especially among the Western populations. According to the Australian Prime Minister, 20% of teenagers aged under 15 years old have experienced at least one
health
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 issue related to the high consumption of
sugar
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. Interestingly, governments can fix
this
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 problem. By Setting up a
sugar
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 tax on foods and beverages containing high levels of
sugar
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, we could drastically decrease the figure of
people
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 impacted negatively by
this
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 natural ingredient and allow them to hope for a better life.
For instance
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, the Norwegian government legislated in 1016 for the introduction of taxes on goods containing high rates of
sugar
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.
Consequently
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, five years later, the number of overweight
people
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 dropped by 15%. To sum up, it is well known that too many foods and beverage
products
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 contain excessive quantities of
sugar
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, leading to the rise of some diseases. To solve
this
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 problem, the solution would be to create a
sugar
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 tax, which will increase the price of these
products
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 and
consequently
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, reduce their attractiveness.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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