IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over the fact that making an investment in the medical care system and schooling is vital for the authority.
While
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 some claim that it is crucial for them, the opposite makes a statement that it is not held liable to the lawmaker. I would contend that allocating
money
Use synonyms
 to those fields is of the necessity for the state but it is not their responsibility to bear the full payment for those facets. It is obvious that allocating
money
Use synonyms
 to the medical care and educational systems is crucial for the governor.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that by getting financial support in those aspects, the citizens can enhance not only their physical health but
also
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 their professional to be a decent workforce, which acts as a precursor for the nation’s financial development.
For instance
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, a wealth of leading countries
such
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 as Germany and Holland are waiving tuition and providing life insurance for their inhabitants.
Hence
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, it is vital for the state to squander
money
Use synonyms
 on those backbone industries.
While
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 the redeeming features of covering the cost of education and healthcare are widely acknowledged, it is not essential for the Government to provide fully for these aspects. Since the national coffers have a flood of other facets to cover to maintain the country’s growth. The fostering of facilities, tourism and agriculture can be cited as some compelling examples of alternative elements that facilitate national development which should be poured
money
Use synonyms
 into by the lawmaker.
Thus
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, those expenditures for schooling and the healthcare system ought not to be completely held responsible to the authority. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 financial support from the
lawmaker
Fix the agreement mistake
lawmakers
show examples
 for the educational and medical care system is essential for the country’s economic increase, those costs had better not be paid entirely by the national budget.

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task achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, aim to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your argument. These examples should be concrete and directly related to the points you make, showing not only the relevance of government funding in health and education but also illustrating the implications of full or partial government responsibility.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on the flow and connection between your ideas. Though the overall structure is clear, some parts could benefit from smoother transitions and clearer linkages. Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Continue to develop your paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences directly relate to this main idea. This will strengthen the logical structure of your essay and make your argument easier to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human rights
  • boosts the country's economy
  • productivity
  • public funding
  • equality and accessibility
  • socio-economic status
  • privatized
  • disparities
  • prioritize
  • people's well-being
  • inefficiencies
  • bureaucratic challenges
  • mixed approach
  • optimize
  • quality
  • availability
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