At the present time, the population of some countries inclides a relating large number if young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #inclides #adults #people #situation

this

modern era, some

contries

Correct your spelling

countries

have

substantial

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a substantial

show examples

young generation in

comare

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compared

to the middle age or elderly

people

. I

beleive

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believe

this

matter is a certain answer to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

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society's

show examples

concerns. Young

people

have

numeours

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numerous

benefits

for

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from

show examples

where they live.

Firstly

they are the future workforces and if

government

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the government

show examples

provides good

education

Replace the word

educational

show examples

material for them they will be ready to process the industry.

Secondly

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,Secondly

show examples

this

social group do not need

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apply

show examples

health

cares

Fix the agreement mistake

care

show examples

and budgets could spend

for

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show examples

education and infrastructure improvement.

Thirldy

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Thirdly

young adults will make

familes

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families

and sustain future if their population.

Besides

old

people

bting

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being

biting

bring

with themselves problems. Officials should pay the elderly

regulary

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regularly

regulatory

and

health

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the health

show examples

system should give free services.

Also

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,Also

show examples

they do not have

role

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a role

show examples

in the economy, in fact, they are just

consumer

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consumers

show examples

and can not produce

efficiny

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efficiency

efficiently

. Young

people

also

lived in the digital world and they can

adopted

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adopt

be adopted

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

fast changes in

techmology

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technology

. They have creative minds and social personalities with an interesting ability

for

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show examples

make networks, As

Add an article

a result

show examples

result

Add a comma

,result

show examples

they will solve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

global problems like

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

air pollution, deforestation and other

enviromental

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environmental

disasters. They

are not agree

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do not agree

show examples

with the consuming culture and rise up against the

pollutes

Replace the word

polluting

show examples

industry and struggle with them. In

concusion

Correct your spelling

conclusion

concussion

, countries should have

Add an article

a programme

the programme

show examples

programme

Fix the agreement mistake

programmes

show examples

for their population structure and try their best to provide facilities for parents who

born

Add a missing verb

are born

show examples

baby like loans.

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

225 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries inclides a relating large number if young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sports and arts for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extent do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advanatges?

As a results of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is an growing demand for more flights. what problems does this have on the environment? what measures could be taken to solve the problem?

In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?