despite huge improvements in healthcare , the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now failing what could be the reason for this trend and what can be done to reserve it.
Although
first-world countries' healthcare systems are improving, the overall
health
of their citizens is deteriorating for a variety of reasons. This
essay will address the issue and offer a remedy, followed by a conclusion.
To begin
with, major corporations currently develop sophisticated technologies that primarily encourage convenience, and as a result
, this
harms the overall
health
of individuals in nations such
as Australia and the United States. Google Home,is a smart gadget that connects all technologies available in a person's home in one
navigation, providing the convenience of being able to control anything without moving from one
place to another. Consequently
, ordinary actions such
as walking about the house are no longer required, resulting in a lack of physical activity that can be hazardous to an individual's health
. That is
why governments must push innovative devices that focus on exercise, such
as Ring Fit, one
of the popular games from Nintendo Switch, a gadget invented in Asia but now widely known in first-world countries. This
is an easy-to-use game for people of all ages, and its main advantage is that it can be played in the privacy of your own home.
Moreover
and even more importantly, fast food
has been increasingly popular in industrialised areas due to
its low cost and convenience. Furthermore
, one
of the reasons individuals choose this
type of meal is a lack of time. It is indisputable that foods like burgers, chips, and fizzy beverages are extremely heavy in fat, sodium, and sugar. Therefore
, overconsumption of these may lead to a variety of significant diseases such
as high cholesterol, obesity, and diabetes. This
problem can be remedied by encouraging people to seek out alternative healthy food
options such
as Sushi stalls, which are not only inexpensive,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
quick to acquire, similar to fast food
.
In conclusion, despite the continued growth of healthcare services in industrialised countries, contemporary technology and unhealthy food
selections may pose a barrier to a healthy lifestyle. Although
problems can be resolved by careful selection of available market alternatives, they will not jeopardise people's overall
physical. Nevertheless
, it is the community's preferences that will avert major health
concerns in the future.Submitted by mjdf0930 on
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Task response
Task response: The essay responds adequately to the task by discussing reasons for the declining standard of physical health in developed countries and suggesting solutions. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer focus on the reasons and solutions to ensure a more direct response to the task.
Coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay demonstrates a generally logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between ideas to ensure a smoother flow of information. Additionally, some of the examples used could be more closely related to the points being made, enhancing the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
