despite huge improvements in healthcare , the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now failing what could be the reason for this trend and what can be done to reserve it.

#improvements #healthcare #health #countries #reason #trend #reserve

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Although

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first-world countries' healthcare systems are improving, the

overall

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health

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of their citizens is deteriorating for a variety of reasons.

This

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essay will address the issue and offer a remedy, followed by a conclusion.

To begin

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with, major corporations currently develop sophisticated technologies that primarily encourage convenience, and

as a result

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this

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harms the

overall

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health

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of individuals in nations

such

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as Australia and the United States. Google Home,is a smart gadget that connects all technologies available in a person's home in

one

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navigation, providing the convenience of being able to control anything without moving from

one

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place to another.

Consequently

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, ordinary actions

such

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as walking about the house are no longer required, resulting in a lack of physical activity that can be hazardous to an individual's

health

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That is

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why governments must push innovative devices that focus on exercise,

such

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as Ring Fit,

one

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of the popular games from Nintendo Switch, a gadget invented in Asia but now widely known in first-world countries.

This

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is an easy-to-use game for people of all ages, and its main advantage is that it can be played in the privacy of your own home.

Moreover

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and even more importantly, fast

food

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has been increasingly popular in industrialised areas

due to

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its low cost and convenience.

Furthermore

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one

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of the reasons individuals choose

this

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type of meal is a lack of time. It is indisputable that foods like burgers, chips, and fizzy beverages are extremely heavy in fat, sodium, and sugar.

Therefore

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, overconsumption of these may lead to a variety of significant diseases

such

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as high cholesterol, obesity, and diabetes.

This

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problem can be remedied by encouraging people to seek out alternative healthy

food

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options

such

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as Sushi stalls, which are not only inexpensive

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apply

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but

also

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quick to acquire, similar to fast

food

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. In conclusion, despite the continued growth of healthcare services in industrialised countries, contemporary technology and unhealthy

food

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selections may pose a barrier to a healthy lifestyle.

Although

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problems can be resolved by careful selection of available market alternatives, they will not jeopardise people's

overall

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physical.

Nevertheless

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, it is the community's preferences that will avert major

health

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concerns in the future.

Submitted by mjdf0930 on Sat Feb 25 2023

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Task response

Task response: The essay responds adequately to the task by discussing reasons for the declining standard of physical health in developed countries and suggesting solutions. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer focus on the reasons and solutions to ensure a more direct response to the task.

Coherence and cohesion

Coherence and cohesion: The essay demonstrates a generally logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between ideas to ensure a smoother flow of information. Additionally, some of the examples used could be more closely related to the points being made, enhancing the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

14
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

359 words

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despite huge improvements in healthcare , the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now failing what could be the reason for this trend and what can be done to reserve it.

‏Topic: Many children and students are taught to push themselves to be better than others rather than work together for everyones’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The process below shows the Human Resources (HR) recruitment process for a company. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.