Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development.

Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people showing interest in
sports
and it's
also
improving their
health
as well as
achieving medals. Many experts believe that Government should provide specialized
facilities
to train top athletes rather than providing
sports
areas that
everyone
can use. I totally argue
that is
a negative development. On the one hand, many
sports
people achieve international
sports
from specialized
facilities
and
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
also
increases patriotism in juveniles.
However
, to provide
facilities
its need lots of fund to build
sports
stations. Many young groups started practising
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
participating in
sports
Add an article
a sports
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
like the Olympics and it is undeniable that it will be helpful for them if there was
facility
Add an article
a facility
the facility
show examples
that
everyone
can use.
Therefore
, it is useful for
built
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
sports
buildings to improve
sports
and achieve international medals
also
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
helpful
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
economically
it
Correct word choice
because it
show examples
provides job opportunities.
On the other hand
, built new specialized
facilitiesfacilities
Correct your spelling
facilities facilities
but it will be used in various ways.
However
,
this
fund can be used in providing
sports
facilities
to
everyone
it will help to improve every person's
health
and reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
risks.
Besides
, it is apparent that the tax is contributed by the community.
Thus
,
this
funding should be spent to improve people’s life.
Consequently
, if all the national resources are
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
emphasis on athletes
while
numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
health
problem of citizens are ignored,
this
would lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong opposition from the public, even affecting the security of the nation. In conclusion, the government should provide
sports
facilities
for
everyone
not only for top athletes. It will be solved any other problems with that fund.
Submitted by urvipatel606 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: