IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The cost of air travel has fallen in recent years. Do you believe this is a positive or negative development? To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words.

#cost #air #travel #years #development
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Life running faster than time and the urgency of people to reach certain places by not wasting a single minute has resulted in individuals inclining more towards
air
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 travel than preferring to view natural sceneries of the world through trains or buses to reach their destination. The invention of aviation has completely changed the human race. It has not only saved us travel time but has
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 benefited the economy drastically. Trade has become simpler and inexpensive among countries ultimately benefiting the government.
This
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 advancement has
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 increased
air
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 companies which have conclusively exceeded the demand causing a lowering of the fares of flights. The acceleration in
oversea
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overseas
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 travel by
air
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 has
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 reduced cultural differences among nations by bringing them closer to each other. When tourism increases in a country it in return boosts its economy. Countries like Mexico, Bali, Singapore, Jamaica, and Dubai have become the main
hub
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hubs
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 of tourism which has benefited them in many ways and their GDP relies on tourism. Though there are countless benefits of
air
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 flying it
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 has a few drawbacks which do affect the climate as new aeroplane companies have been set up there
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 has been an increase in
air
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 traffic resulting in climate change and polluting the environment.
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, lowered rates are a positive development as it has made us connect with each other easily. Whether it is a lifetime decision or a grandmother on the deathbed, aviation has made it simpler to stay close to the close ones.
Submitted by jugnavi139 on

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Task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for your essay. However, you could improve the development of your ideas within the body paragraphs to further support your main points. Your ideas are generally well developed, but ensure that they are directly relevant to the prompt and effectively illustrate your points. Additionally, consider adding more specific examples to support your reasoning.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay generally maintains coherence and cohesion with logical progression of ideas. However, there are areas where the flow of ideas could be improved for clarity. Consider using more transitional phrases and topic sentences to guide your reader through your argument. Additionally, ensure that your essay effectively uses cohesive devices for clear and logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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