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Band 5.5

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other part of their lives. What is the reason for this? How can this problem be overcome?

#people #balance #work #part #lives #reason
In
this
 era of technology,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people have difficulties
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
balancing their professions with
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
show examples
 lives. There are some reasons for it,
such
 as electronic devices, work
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
 and so on.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate
those
Change preposition
on those
show examples
 reasons and discuss the right solution to curb
with
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apply
show examples
it. In regard
with
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to
show examples
 the reasons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 case, the major reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 losing our
balcance
Correct your spelling
balance
 is
due to
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
show examples
 in smartphone development. Most of us find smartphones
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
an addictive tools
Correct the article-noun agreement
an addictive tool
addictive tools
show examples
.
For example
,
according to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research, most of society today
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 four hours of their time with that gadget and it
prove
Change the verb form
proves
show examples
 to be dangerous for their life balance.
Moreover
,
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 today have a lot of work responsibilities
such
 as meeting deadlines, customer issues, complaints and more.
Therefore
, they don't have much time to enjoy
with
Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
show examples
 their
beloved
Correct pronoun usage
onesbeloved
show examples
.
This
 is
prove
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 to be true when most
of
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apply
show examples
parents
Add an article
the parents
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 today are willing to take their children to the
child care
Correct your spelling
childcare
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 centre so that they
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to focus on their jobs. In spite of those
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 still some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 as well. One way to overcome
this
 issue is by going on vacation with family members or friends.
This
 might
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 in reducing stress and
depressions
Fix the agreement mistake
depression
show examples
as well as
strenghten
Correct your spelling
strengthen
 the bonding between relatives.
For instance
, a study has shown that holiday activities increase positive energy and emotions.
Thus
, workers are more likely to work harder after receiving some rest from their own manager.
To conclude
, the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 misbalance
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
due to
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 responsibilities and distraction from gadgets.
Thus
, the best approach to deal with it
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 to educate people about its damaging effect and for the government to implement a consultation program on society in the future.
Although
 the problem is unlikely to be entirely eliminated in the short term, there are concrete steps to stop the effects it is having on current society.
Submitted by adilah070720 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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