IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressures #perspectives #measures
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Today's
children
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 are pressurized hard and harder
academicall
Correct your spelling
academically
.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
pressures
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 may be affected to
child
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the child
a child
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.
This
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 essay intends to discuss the causes of these
pressures
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 and suggests some measures to alleviate the problem. In my opinion, nowadays many
parents
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 seized control over their
children
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's life and behaviours.
This
Linking Words
 is a huge problem
of
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in
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 the
children
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's world. Because sometimes
parents
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 do not pay attention to
children
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's interests that problem leads to
discover
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discovering
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from
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apply
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being
an independent citizens
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an independent citizen
independent citizens
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 in society .
Although
Linking Words
parents
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 want their
children
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 to excel in every field .
Linking Words
Furthermore
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,Furthermore
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 if
children
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's
parents
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 continued control over the
children
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, mounting
pressures
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 lead to fear
from
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of
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 being individual and wide broad outlook.
In my
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My
show examples
 from
Add an article
a perspective
the perspective
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perspective
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,perspective
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 they must shield
from
Correct pronoun usage
themselves from
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 control. There are
not
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no
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simple
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a simple
show examples
solution
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solutions
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.
Firstly
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, When they are studying at school their teachers can bring out
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 sides of
children
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's
brain
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brains
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 and challenge them with genius theory. Because
amount
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the amount
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 of
children
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 spend time is the quality of relationships
teacher
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teachers
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 are able to build with each student. On top of that
parents
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 must try to find
Add an article
the weakness
a weakness
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weakness
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weaknesses
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
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that
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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may be in education or
build
Wrong verb form
building
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self confidence
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self-confidence
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. To summarise, there is no doubt that the
children
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 of today are facing so many
pressures
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, but steps should be taken on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, these
pressures
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 will stifle the physical and psychological growth of
children
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.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
What to do next:
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