IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people try to achieve a work-life balance but fail. Why is this happening? What can be done to help people overcome this problem? influential issues jurisprudential

#people #work-life #balance
It is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
common knowledge that a broken work-life balance leads to
such
 disasters as burning out and depression.
However
, hardly do people realize how
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
 of the working environment on creating a healthy lifestyle can be.
Therefore
, the most reasonable way to improve the situation is
enhancing
Change the verb form
to enhance
show examples
 the environment for the employee.
This
 essay will first discuss the main issue connected with overworking, which is making unignorable penalties for mistakes of the employees.
Secondly
, it will be followed by an analyses of improving working conditions as the most effective measure to improve the situation. The major cause of losing the work-life balance is making work punishing for mistakes with unliftable consequences. Be it
Correct article usage
a jurisprudencial
show examples
jurisprudencial
Correct your spelling
jurisprudential
jurisprudence
 firm or financial exchange company, the majority of employees are obligated to work nights as they have a considerable number of deadlines with strong
careeer
Correct your spelling
career
 purposes.
Hence
, if the employees are not on time with their missions, they have
have
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
penalties and lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career opportunities.
For example
, having carried out
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office workers in Japan, sociologists have revealed that 90% of
empoyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 there work more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 seventy
ours
Correct your spelling
hours
show examples
 a week as they tend to preserve their duty in the company. The principal solution for the problem is lightening the requirements for the workers. The
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
 should have an opportunity to maintain a healthy lifestyle, even in the case of putting their efforts on the working tasks.
For instance
, in
Yandex
Correct article usage
the Yandex
show examples
office
Add a comma
,office
show examples
 there are rooms for
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
 should have an
opportuinty
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to enhance their working environment
together with
 less punishing penalties for
mitakes
Correct your spelling
mistakes
.
Submitted by tkharisov7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: