IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

People are surrounded by advertising, which has an increasing effect on our lives. Do you think the positive effects of this outweigh the negative effects?

#people #effect #lives #effects #outweigh
Currently, individuals are enclosed by the forces of the advert.
As a result
, increasing the number of advertisements has affected both positively and negatively to them.
Although
 they are giving us more personal chances, they are manipulating people.
To begin
 with, the good effects of advertising, it is a creative industry that employs many people.
For instance
, if data are checked 40 per cent of workers were employed under advertising.
Thus
, without it, there would be higher unemployment.
Moreover
, companies need to tell customers about their products.
Consequently
, advertisements inform us about the selections we have. As an example, when people go to the market or shop in order to purchase clothing, they may have different options because of the profit of adverts,
hence
, these are beneficial for us because knowing more about available alternatives makes our shopping easier.
On the other hand
, there are more disadvantages than it is benefits. First of all, the majority of consumers are encouraged by adverts to buy certain brands with a higher status.
As a result
, more individuals often pay for things
according to
 their brand names without even
don't know
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
 their quality. On top of
this
, advertisers often aim their marketing at children. The main reason for
this
, little ones can easily be influenced by advertisements.
For example
, when my little sibling watched her favourite actress with a handbag advert on TV, she put pressure on my parent to buy for her.
Furthermore
, health and bad behaviour problems in children are all effects of advertisers who focus on selling only a brand image.
To sum up
,
while
 some adverts
submit
Verb problem
provide
show examples
 us with more possibilities, they will actually bring challenges that we can not handle in the future.
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coherence cohesion
The essay shows a good level of logical structure and coherence with a clear introduction and conclusion. The use of examples could be improved for better support of the main points. In task achievement, the response is adequate but lacks depth in presenting comprehensive and relevant ideas. More focus on addressing the prompt is needed with well-developed examples.
task achievement
The use of examples to support main points could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. The essay covers the topic adequately, but lacks depth and development in presenting comprehensive and relevant ideas. Focus on addressing the prompt with well-developed examples to support the main points is needed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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