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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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People
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 have a myriad of views on whether the population of
countries
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 should be a higher composition of young
people
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instead
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 of aged
people
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 in order to have better
development
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.
While
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 I accept that some elderly are experienced to give vulnerable
skills
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, never should we overlook the drawback of lacking ability of physical strength, which ruins the future
development
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 of the
countries
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. Among the benefits of increasing the number of old
people
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 in a country, probably the first significant reason is preserving some vulnerable traditional
skills
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 in Hong Kong. Since many youngsters don't want to pursue their careers in the traditional culture, those
skills
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 are being disappeared.
For instance
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, many youngsters don't know the paper crafting techniques. They can't use bamboo sticks to make handicrafts.
Hence
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, losing the traditional cultures would harm the
countries
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 to have all-round
development
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. Another noticeable benefit is that aged
people
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 have more experience and linkage in
society
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, they can provide guidance to
society
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.
Therefore
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, more young
people
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 can learn from their experiences and minimise the opportunity of poor result happen .
Although
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 there are more pros of having more elderly in
society
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, I believe that there are more downsides than upsides. The most vital benefit is having more young
people
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 in order to provide their bodies and professional
skills
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 to
society
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. As the 12-year compulsory free education scheme implements in Hong Kong, young adults are mostly well-educated, which is in turn the
countries
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 to become knowledgeable. It may help to create some new inventions or ideas to enhance the city’s growth. Another significant benefit is that young
people
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 have better physical health, and they can participate in manual work. Construction workers are the prime example to explain it. Those occupations are mainly required for young adults
instead
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 of ours.
Therefore
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, by providing energy to youngsters, the rapid new developments of
countries
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 can be easier established. Under
this
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 line of thinking,
although
Linking Words
 there are undeniable advantages of having more elderly in
a
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apply
show examples
society
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 to aid in the traditional culture preservation, it is believed that there are even more benefits of more young adults providing
skills
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 and energy for the physical
development
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 of the
countries
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.
Submitted by sharon021082 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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