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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

the chart below gives information about the groth of urban population in certain part of the world including the prediction of the further.

the chart below gives information about the groth of urban population in certain part of the world including the prediction of the further.
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The BAR graph illustrates the details of the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 growing in a few parts of the
world
Use synonyms
 including their
further
Linking Words
 forecasting.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in urban areas will be increased in the entire
world
Use synonyms
 by 2030 as compared to 1950. Not only
this
Linking Words
, actual urban growth was started throughout the
world
Use synonyms
 in 1950 because the
number
Use synonyms
 of folks living in the urban area has been improved in 2000 as well.
Firstly
Linking Words
, In 1950 there were 30% of
people
Use synonyms
 living in the urban area,
however
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 living in Africa and Asia were low respectively around 10% but at the same time the maximum growth was found in Latin America with above 40%.,
Furthermore
Linking Words
 in 2000, the urban population had continued to grow at below 50% in the whole
world
Use synonyms
 and almost the same in Africa and Asia at around 40%,
in addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
 sharp rise in Latin America to 70%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, by 2030 there will slight hick of approximately 10% in the Whole
world
Use synonyms
, Africa and Latin America from around 49% to 60, 39% to 50% and 70% to 80% respectively,
however
Linking Words
, a sharp rise is shown in Asia from around 39% to 55%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, world with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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